Luke, I am Your Uncle
  • Not limit a child’s junk food consumption, since I am not responsible for their nutritional health, and anyway, how much damage can corn syrup do in an afternoon?
  • Let them to stay up through nap time, as long as they don’t wake me up from mine.
  • Listen thoughtfully when they go on about how horrible their parents are, and try not to agree even when remembering corroborating evidence.
  • Do anything to keep them entertained. I am also not responsible for the child’s moral development, so who cares if she wants to hang her Barbies?
  • Gently but actively discourage crying. Crying was invented for infants to communicate their hunger, but hunger is never an issue when I babysit.
  • Never raise my voice or respond in anger, even to sudden bursts of invective on the child’s part. I don’t want the children to remember me like that, and besides, they are going home eventually. Soon enough the hormones will kick in and I will be forgetting the pain of childcaring and only remembering the joy.



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Piet Marino

Piet Marino

Author of very funny YA fiction. So he says.